The Origin of Esmeraude's fan
by Lucca
Summary: What the title says.


****

The origin of Esmeraude's fan

****

Disclaimer: This is terrible is what this is. It was all in a bit of fun, and though, quite sad, not even nearly as sad as the other times Lwinko and I started something. Let's just say that humor isn't my strong point. BTW, these characters are strongly out of character. You have been warned. Turn tail and run before it is too late!!!

"Wise man!" Rubeus bellowed at the top of his lungs as he stalked into the throne room, the Ayakashi sisters tagging behind.

The man in question rose out of the floor in front of them. Rubeus stormed closer, while the Ayakashi's wandered over to a corner to watch.

"You promised us the power to take back to Earth!" he began. "You promised us the nice warm planet that the sun shines on and makes everything golden! You promised us Hawaii with all it's bikini'd chicks! And what do we have here?" he gestures around the dark, crystalline throne room. "Nothing but a cold, hard stinking rock, with all the chicks wearing 8 inches of thermals!" 

There were gasps of dismay from the Ayakashi's in the corner, and the chatter started up.

"But my suit is so close to the skin! AND it shows my cleavage!"

"My skirt is really short!"

"8 inches of thermals???"

"But we're always freezing!"

"That's because we make SURE we're always freezing!"

"…What ARE thermals?"

The Wise man and Rubeus both ignored the clueless gaggling of the sisters in the corner. They were accustomed to blocking out annoying sounds now. What with someone like Esmeraude around…

"Oh I see…" the Wise man mocked. "You lost the battle with Crystal Tokyo didn't you!"

Rubeus glared into what he supposed were the Wise man's eyes and thought **_heck, does this guy even HAVE eyes?_** He was getting madder then Demando with his wine supply diminished.

"YES we lost the battle!" Rubeus fumed.

"Silly boy! Then it is obvious that you did not use the power I gave you to its maximum capacity!"

At the remark of being a 'silly boy', Rubeus blew his top. It was a common enough occurrence, so everyone present (and not present) had seen it more times then they could count on both hands.

Speaking of hands, both of his right now, where filled with black balls of energy, ready to be hurled at the Wise man.

"I'll show YOU silly boy!" he shouted.

"Oh really…?" the Wise man laughed. "I'll show my MY power you…chicken!"

Rubeus' face went red with fury, and the amount of energy in his hands increased. He raised his arms to throw the deadly balls at the cowled old man.

"Are you calling me a chicken?" he yelled murderously.

"No, I'm saying you ARE a chicken!" Wise man yelled, and standing up (what an occurrence) he pointed one of his black, red, green, yellow fingers at Rubeus, and a cloud of black energy wrapped itself around him.

"What the fbburrggkk!!!!!" Rubeus' vocal cords sounded different.

The Ayakashi's sensed something was wrong, and ceased their mindless chatter, which by this stage had turned into mindless bickering.

"Huh?" All four croaked simultaneously.

The cloud shrunk inwards and then got lower. Rubeus' long and well-shaped form was nowhere to be seen. Finally, the cloud reached its all time low and disappeared. Rubeus had disappeared. There was now only a chicken. A scarlet coloured, mean looking chicken with matching red eyes. 

Issuing forth from its feather covered throat, came a garble of chicken expletives. The Wise man was now merrily waving his hands over his crystal ball in what anyone would suppose was…amusement.

The Ayakashi corner was silent for a bit. All four were too shocked to even move. Frozen gasps were in their throats. Then…

"Omigod!" Cooan screamed. "Where is he?"

Petz whapped her on the back of the head. "Isn't it obvious you lackwit? He's turned into that bird."

"To be more precise" Beruche: the smart sister explained "It's a chicken. Well, a cock actually as its male and all." 

The other two sisters gave wondrous "oh's", while Calaveras merely rolled her eyes.

The Wise man sank back into the floor.

Calaveras noticed and shouted for him to come back. He didn't. The Ayakashi's just weren't important enough for him.

Cooan knelt on hands and knees in front of the cock and whispered tentatively "Rubeus?"

The chicken, which had been scratching under its wing, stopped, and glared at her. 

She gasped. "Oh, it really IS you! Poor baby, can't you fix this?" she asked as she scooped him up in her arms. 

The chicken, as if understanding that it's beak couldn't form words, said nothing and pecked her on the nose. 

She screeched and almost dropped him. Her startled face changed into one of thoughtfulness and she said "Not now hon, later when you've got rid of that beak."

The beak opened as if to say something, but shut itself again. 

"Now what?" Petz asked, putting her hands on her hips.

They were all quiet for a moment and then Beruche got an idea.

"I know! We'll just find someone who can fix him!" 

"Yeah…" the others all said brightly.

It was Calaveras however; who broke the good mood. "Oh yeah? Who?"

They all looked poleaxed.

***

A ripple of energy passed through her. She stopped eating her cake and thought **I wonder if I should tell Demando about that?** She looked around the room and spotted the door. Then looked at the plate on the table beside her. **Oh well…**

She finished off the last mouthful of cake and looked mournfully at the plate. **Damn! It's all finished!** She thought. **I'll get fat with this delicious thing they call cake. It must be a plot to get me!** She thought as she scraped some whipped cream off her face. **But I'll think about that later.**

She stood up to take the plate into the kitchen and noticed that there were a few crumbs on it. She was lazily licking the plate when there was a heavy knocking at the door.

Sighing, she put down the plate and went and opened the door. In front of her stood all four Ayakashi's. One was even carrying a pet.

"What do you want?" She sneered at them. 

Cooan's bottom lip trembled and then she startled wailing. Thrusting the bird towards her she wailed "Oh please Esmeraude! Turn him back!" 

This got Esmeraude's attention. "Who?"

"Rubeus!" she sniffed.

Esmeraude felt a laugh coming on, but held it back. "And, uh… what happened?" she purred.

"Wise man changed him into a chicken" Calaveras snorted. "Are you blind or what?"

Esmeraude glared at her and growled menacingly. But Beruche, seeing an oncoming fight jumped in front of her and said brightly "What she means is, please change him back, and the Wise man sux."

Esmeraude nodded her head in agreement at both things. "Sure" she said smugly. "I'll do that for you."

"Oh, thank you!" All four sighed in relief.

They started to walk off but Cooan turned around and said "Can you do it by tonight please? I don't much fancy sleeping by myself." The others all whapped her on the head and started bickering about who would have him for tonight. All except Petz that is. She was quite happy with Saffir.

Esmeraude closed the door and laughed, and laughed. The chicken cringed at her chest where she clutched it. 

"So…" she laughed. "Rubeus is a helpless little chicken. And all at my mercy."

The chicken gave a defiant "Bggaarrkk!!" and she laughed even harder. She only stopped when she felt something warm and wet sliding down the front of her dress. Gingerly, she moved the chicken to a position where she could see her front. There was a trail of grey and white slop to the hem of her dress, and then a big splattering on the toe of her boots. 

Her eyes filled with tears at the sight of her dress and boots ruined, and, throwing the chicken away, she screeched so loudly and shrilly, she gave HERSELF a migraine.

***

Rubeus preened at his reflection in front of the full-length mirror in Esmeraude's bedroom. Come to think of it, he didn't look too bad he thought to himself smugly. Then he's mood deflated as he remembered how he'd tried to blast the silly wenches before when they'd picked him up, but nothing had happened dammit! But when the silly twits had handed him over to green haired ditz, his mood had really darkened until he remembered that chickens had other weapons…

Turning around he surveyed the room he was in, trying to decide what to destroy first. A cackle of what could only be called sadism and delight sprang from his beak as he practically skipped out of the room toward the kitchen, to stock up for the big job ahead of him, so to speak.

***

A few hours later, after her migraine had disappeared, Esmeraude paced back and forth across the floor, bitching about the state of her dress. Her floor had now well and truly been…messed up, so to speak, and had lots of hunks and splatterings of chicken shit on it, as the blasted thing had eaten anything it could get at while she was having a spell.

"God I'm hot" she complained to herself as she paced the room. "You'd think the servants could have done something about the conditioning in here! But NOOOoooooooo!!!!" she stopped pacing as one of the magazines on the table caught her eye. On the front, was an Earthen 18th century madam wearing the proper clothes for that time. All of them were white, and she was waving a white-feathered fan. The other side of the cover had a 20th century female wearing a very revealing black dress. The magazine was entitled 'Dolly'. Esmeraude hadn't read this issue yet. That's why it got her attention. Though what her eyes really rested on was the fan that the woman was clutching. **If only I had one of those** she thought **but I've never really seen any nice ones around here, and I so can't be stuffed looking for one…. I need cake…**

She flopped down on the chair and picked up the magazine. It was at this particular moment that the chicken, formerly known as Rubeus, decided to grace her newly cleaned boots with another grey/white splotch. 

"Ahhhhh!!!!" Esmeraude cried in frustration, jumping out of her chair. She kicked him savagely and, not at all used to having wings instead of arms, the chicken didn't move as it was going to block the kick. Her foot connected with its body and it sailed up into the air and started fluttering. For a chicken, it looked pretty amused, and for a second she couldn't work out why. 

"Noooo!!!!" she wailed as it emptied it bowel's on her head. 

The Wise man hissed a curse as he looked at his Swatch. "Dammit!" he cried. "Only another minute or so before my spell looses affect! Oh well… the green harpy will do for tomorrow."

He slouched even more in his transparent seat, with a hand supporting his head; he would have looked thoughtful if he had a face.

"Mmmm….harpy…"

Esmeraude looked at the magazine, then at the chicken, then at the magazine again. She started to giggle. The chicken squawked and fluttered slowly away, trying to get out of earshot. The giggle turned into snorting, and then she was laughing so hard, she was hysterical.

"I know where I can get my fan!" She whooped in delight.

Staring maniacally at the chicken, she took a menacing step towards where it was hovering. The chicken, sensing something bad was going to happen to it, fluttered madly over to the nearest window and crashed into it. With a squeaking sound, it slid down the glass and onto the floor. Esmeraude pounced, but only caught the tail. The chicken pulled to get free and the bright, glossy feathers came loose in her hand. The chicken was now cackling very loudly and running all over the place. Esmeraude in hot pursuit. Finally, she caught it. She returned to her chair where she'd plonked the clump of feathers down she'd liberated him of before, and put him securely on her lap. She reached down and started pulling clumps off it. The chicken was gaggling hysterically now it was in so much pain. Just when she was about to pull the last clump off it's head, a cloud of black energy covered the chicken up completely. Quickly, she yanked the rest of the feathers out. The weight on her lap got very heavy. The cloud disappeared, and, on her lap, lying butt upwards was a naked Rubeus. A VERY naked Rubeus. He had no hair. Anywhere.

Startled, Esmeraude jumped off the chair, throwing him off her as well. She stood and gawked at him. He got up, and turned the full weight of his glare on her. At such close quarters, she decided that he looked very scary with a bald head and no eyebrows. His eyes turned to narrow slits, and he walked menacingly toward her. She stepped back until she could go no farther. Her butt was up against the kitchen sink.

"You bitch!" he spat, murder in his eyes.

"What are you blaming me for anyway?" she cried. "Wasn't it Wise man who turned you into a chicken?"

He was now face to face with her, his face was very red, and when he yelled at her, spittle came out of his mouth. "Because of you, I have no hair!" he looked down. "At all!"

"Well, there's not really much you can do about that is there?" she laughed.

"It will grow back" he dismissed it after a while. "But now dear cousin, let's see how well YOU like it!" 

"What?" she croaked. She didn't get anymore time to think because he whapped her upside the head, knocking her out completely.

When she finally woke up, her hair was missing. 

All of it…

Prince Demando had decided to call a meeting. It was about another attack on Crystal Tokyo. Only, he had had good council from the Wise man to go to the Tokyo of the past, and destroy the Senshi there, so they couldn't thwart his plans on Earth.

He asked Saffir to check if everyone important was finally present, as he went over the plans again. The blue haired Prince said "Yes Prince Demando. Everyone is here" and then snorted in laughter. He tried to stifle them, but they burst out and became so big, he almost fell over.

Demando glowered, and looked up. "Just what is so funny that…" he stopped in complete amazement, and then started choking as he was trying to smother a laugh. For, in the crowd, two pink, shiny heads shimmered out of the darkness. One looked smug, the other looked as if it wanted to die, and was trying to hide itself behind a large, red feathered fan.

"I love your fan Esmeraude" Calaveras cried.

"The red goes sooo well with the green" Cooan mocked.

"Red…fan…" Rubeus muttered. "What?!?"

He turned towards Esmeraude who was trying valiantly to shield her face from the stares.

She caught him looking at her and shrugged. "Hey, at least you were good for something!"

He roared and jumped on top of her, pounding her with his fists. She pummeled him with her own, and they rolled around the floor.

"God…" Demando moaned. "If she keeps yelling like that I'm going to have a headache…"

"Look on the bright side brother dear" Saffir smiled. "At least they're not using their powers!"

Demando nodded in agreement. Then, a blast of green energy flew by his head. Okay. Enough was enough.

Jumping out of his green throne, he yelled at the top of his lungs "Esmeraude! Rubeus! Behave yourselves!" 

As if by magic, the two got off each other and stood up, staring at their prince in respect. 

Sinking back down into his throne, the white prince began to tell them about the new plan. Esmeraude listened while waving her fan back and forth lazily. Rubeus glared at it out of the corner of his eye and wondered what he'd do with her hair. 

Sadly, little did Esmeraude realize what a problem she had caused herself upon making the fan. Well, she did eventually, but not until it was too late. And still to this day, many people point out to her that her fan is red and not green. Therefore it does not match her outfit. But she laughs this off, and sometimes gets a little annoyed, and tells them to go ask Rubeus all about it. Which of course they do, and are never heard from again.


End file.
